Acolyte Alphabet
by TheFuzzyDude
Summary: An alphabet, I'm not sure how else you could describe this. Anyway it's short it probably has mistakes in it but it's all about the Acolytes.


Acolyte Alphabet

94/06/12

A

Asphyxiation.

i.e. what was proposed most often as a way of shutting up John, and often used as a means of sedating Sabretooth, the man could heal and they were too lazy to bother with hypodermic syringes.

B

Boredom.

They live in a metal house, by themselves, alternately trying to kill the x-men or their own, for no other reason than that their boss tells them to, and even mutant-rights extremists refuse to shell out for cable.

C

Catnip.

i.e. the root of perhaps 75% of Sabretooth's rages, the substance involved in all-but-three of their wildly popular Youtube videos, and the source of a substantial amount of injuries and property damage when liberated from the sanctuary of Victor's room.

D

Diary.

i.e. the one object that all members swear blind they don't own, but which Magneto knows they all do, thanks to a particularly glorious evening at a local bar that saw Charles Xavier get drunk and say a lot of things he probably shouldn't have.

E

Elephants.

i.e. what Magneto gets in his office when he leaves Pyro alone with mutated stem cells. Also Gambit's least favourite animal due to the fact that he had to clean up it's leavings after he shovelled a pile of it onto Victor's bike.

F

Flatulence.

i.e. the real reason no one approaches Victor's room within a week of burrito night and the reason that said room is airtight, rigged to a private ventilation circuit, and has no windows.

G

Grace.

i.e. what Victor lacks, Piotr doesn't need and Remy flaunts. Also the key source of Magneto's elitism (he floats a few inches off the ground for a reason) and, when placed after 'good', it is what Pyro needs badly.

H

Hair.

i.e. the source of 8o% of jokes made at Pietro's expense, half of which have been coined by Lance, and the reason that Victor has his own shower.

I

Irrelevant.

This applies to: everything Magneto says, everything Victor growls and everything that Mastermind (wherever the heck he is at the moment) does. Ever. It would apply to everything that Pyro does were it not for the fact that most of his hobbies involve fire damage and are therefore relevant to the greater community of those with basic survival instincts.

J

Jokes.

(Particularly the practical kind.)

Early on in the evil group years, mastery of the shaving cream bomb was attained by all parties, even Magneto, although that was mostly in the interests of avoiding them. Since then, an unofficial arms race has raged and flourished as those living under the base have tried to keep one step ahead in the war of pranks… and Magneto's general use of lethal force.

K

Kissing.

i.e. the reason ( combined with evil personalities and a lack of girl members) no one plays spin the bottle.

L

Life.

Not something valued by anyone but themselves around these parts. Survival instincts are all well and good up until the point where they aren't and Sabretooth eats your head. Also, life under the same roof as a megalomaniac is not the most fulfilling.

M

Medicine.

i.e. what both John and Victor are forced to take daily, most often a combination of sedatives, anti-depressants and de-worming tablets, taken for their own good, everyone else's sanity or sometimes just because.

N

Noise.

Steel, Fire, and Explosions. Do these sound like quiet, indoor-friendly powers? And that's excluding the fact that Victor seems to have a daily growl and roar quota.

O

Odes.

i.e. how, for the most part, John keeps himself from going (further) insane. Poetry, stories, novels, all made in the wee hours of the morning… or during the rest of the day, it depended on how much sugar was in his system, how much flammable stuff was around, and how many death threats had been received over three successive hours.

P

Profanity.

Piotr being the only occupant who would refrain from swearing on principal alone, the entire base was more or less a nest of cussing, cursing, and general obscenities. Most of them aimed at each other.

Q

Queue.

What there never is for the bathroom. These people consider themselves men. Manly men (in tights… at least in John's case on occasion) and they refuse to loiter in a hallway with their affects hung over their arms. They either have their own room-of plumbing or they go outside. Unless Victor is suspected of hiding out there.

R

Rogue.

i.e. the person who has had Gambit yanked, by the collar out of her room/general vicinity, by Piotr more times than either could possibly count. Also the reason that Remy spent a week in a punishing metal cocoon watching chick flicks, and a month in a fully body cast.

S

S**t.

i.e. what the entire community of the base is routinely put through, what Pyro often gets into, what Magneto is often full of and what Remy refuses to take.

T

Thief.

i.e. the reason that there is no form of security on Gambit's room apart from magnetically suspended spires just waiting for the door to open. Magneto made and Magneto controlled.

U

Unbelievable.

What daily occurrences, John's spindly resilience, Piotr's patience, Remy's narcissism, Victor's stench, Mastermind's absence and Magneto's fondness for his 'bucket' have all been deemed.

V

Volatile.

i.e. the warning most often ignored by John and the word most often used to describe Sabretooth on the rare occasions that it was necessary for him to be mentioned in polite company.

W

Wanda.

i.e. The reason Pyro isn't allowed within a 3 mile radius of the Brotherhood House, or out of the base for that matter. Enacted to keep both daughter and lackey, safe, separated, and to preserve what was left of their sanity.

X

Xavier.

i.e. the person that, despite all outward appearances to the contrary, Erik gets along with like a house on fire. They have chess Tuesdays and meet at a seedy bar every once in a while, where Erik makes darts follow people around and Charles makes people think that he's 20 years old and packing.

Y

Yelling.

i.e. what the base is always full of. This would make it similar to both the Institute and the Brotherhood House except for the fact that the x-geeks aren't allowed to swear and fights in Magneto's base last a lot longer than those found in a house where most problems can be solved with a toad-hole.

Z

Zoots.

i.e. the dumbest thing to come out of Pyro's mouth on one of his more verbally-clean days.


End file.
